She’s gone

My mother Nancy passed away at 10:36 pm last night.  I’m a jumble of emotions right now–devastated that I’ll never again hear her voice, so happy she’s out of pain, feeling guilty that I didn’t spent every possible second with her following the diagnosis, relieved that I spent what precious time I did talking to her and appreciating her–but I am mostly just numb.  My little brother was not in the room, so it was left for me to go back to the apartment while the other family remained with her body; I then told my 19 year old brother that his mother was gone.  Most of the tears I have already shed are for P., too young to have his mother taken from him, and for my mother Nancy herself, only 55 when she went, and with too many wonderful possibilities ahead of her.

In a strange way, I feel that everything that has happened to me in my life has led to this moment: toughening me in some ways, softening me in others, but mostly preparing me for the realization that life will surprise you, offering experiences both beautiful and terrible, though equally illuminating and important.  I’m trying to just accept the lessons and ride the wave of the unknown. We’ve just arrived to Dallas, and her funeral is tomorrow.  Luckily, the mood of the family (aside from one very weepy mother-in-law; my grandmother) is joyous and celebratory.  All things considered, Nancy went in a good way, and we love her like crazy.

Share On: Google Plus

View All Posts In:

MY MOTHER'S DEATH

More Posts You'll Adore:

Villa-Giulia-Lake-Garda-Como-ItalyItalian dreams Missing Mama Jolie!

Leave a Comment

102 Comments

  1. Truc

    I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing some small part of her with us.

  2. Ali

    Nadine,
    My heart goes out to you. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    – Ali

  3. Jennifer

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.

  4. Nadine, I’m so very sorry. Your strength is truly amazing, but don’t forget to let others take care of you now, too. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  5. BellaSugar

    nadine im so sorry about your mom :(
    it really made me sad even though i’ve never met you or her
    please know that you are in my prayers

  6. Yve

    My condolences. Take care of yourself and your family, and lean on your friends.

  7. Stephanie

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember seeing pictures of your mom you had posted on this blog quite awhile back and she was truly lovely. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  8. Beth

    You have my deepest sympathies. May you find constant comfort in your memories.

  9. Im so sorry for your loss, I wouldnt even know what to say or do in your situation. The fact that you have remained to be a positive person and keep everyone here on this blog informed is amazing by itself!

    Hugs and my condolences~

  10. Melissa

    Nadine, I’m so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you — you’ve shown so much amazing strength. Use your support system–friends, other family, and take care of yourself. She’ll always be with you in some way or another, as cheesy as that might sound — I believe that.

  11. Breezy

    I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  12. Nadine I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, but I know what you mean about being happy she no longer is in pain. It’s a weird feeling to have–I’ve felt it too.

    Many hugs to you during this difficult time. xx

  13. Nadine–
    So sorry for your loss. Your mom would be so proud of you for the courage you’re displaying and the love and comfort you’re providing for your family, especially your younger brother. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

  14. Nadine, so sorry. Your strength is unparalleled and your readers are all better for having gone through this with you. My most sincere condolences to you and your fam.

  15. ol

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I wish there was a way to lessen your pain.

  16. Meg

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Thank you for sharing these lovely stories and lessons these past few days. I’m happy to hear that you’re keeping as positive as you can throughout this grim situation. Let us know if you ever need to vent or just need someone else to lean on – you’ve definitely got an awesome extra support system here on your blog. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. – Meg

  17. Jen

    Nadine,
    I’m so so sorry about your mother. I can’t even imagine what it would be to go through something like that and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Jen

  18. Nina

    I am so sorry for your loss, Nadine. You have written so eloquently of your mother, everyone can tell how much you love her.

  19. Megan

    I am so sorry… I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you take the time you need right now and also that something of this holiday season can bring you a little joy through the pain.

  20. Nadine, you have my deepest and most sincere sympathy on the loss of your mother. I remember we talked about her at the TB Conference. I’m glad she’s not suffering anymore. Stay strong. {{hugs}}

  21. I’m so sorry. Your past few blog posts have been a glowing tribute to your mom and thank you for sharing. My thoughts are with your family.

  22. “Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” ~Emily Dickinson.
    My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. I may not know you but at this moment we are all one.

    un fuerte abrazo,
    Liz

  23. Stefanie

    I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

    Stefanie

  24. Elizabeth in GA

    Nadine, I am so sorry. That must be a devastating loss, for which there are no words. I am grateful, though, for those elements of beauty that have been present with your family in this trying time.

  25. J.J.

    Nadine, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You have been exceptionally brave to blog about your loving mom and the rest of your family as you all go through this. Please know that so many people care about you. Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers—

  26. Katherine

    Nadine, I am so sorry that you lost your mother last night. My heart goes out to you and tonight you will be in my prayers.Losing a parent is hard, just remember that you were lucky enough to have her as your mother.

  27. Kristin

    I’m so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  28. Oh, Nadine, I am so sorry. Your writing about this was so touching and beautiful. Of what seem to be her many feats, your mother raised a beautiful, talented person.

    I wish you peace.

  29. Elle

    I’m so sorry Nadine…you have been so brave through all of this and are an inspiration to me. I’ll keep you in my prayers..

  30. Tamara

    Nadine,

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. The tributes you have written about your mother these past few days are beautiful and touching. It sounds like she was well-loved and will be dearly msised. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in your time of loss.

  31. Katd

    My condolences go out to you and your entire family. The way you wrote about her showed what a wonderful relationship you two had, you and your family will have so many great memories to share and celebrate her life.

  32. angela

    nadine,
    i read your blog every day without fail. i’m so sorry for your loss. i’ve never faced a huge loss, and i hope to be able to look at life as a blessing the way you have when i do face the same challenges.

    my thoughts are with you and your family.

  33. A.J.

    Nadine,

    My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and your family.

  34. Lisa

    Nadine,

    Many hugs and prayers go out to you and your family at this time. Praying for your family’s strength in the days ahead…

    So sorry for your loss ~

  35. Lara

    I’m really sorry. I hope the future brings the best for you and your brother.

  36. Terrie

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Hold tightly to each other as you cherish the memories of your mother.

  37. Erin Weber

    Nadine,
    I am sorry for your loss, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. She is in a better place, where she is without pain and resting comfortably. Keep your head-up

  38. Christina

    (hugs) I’m so sorry Nadine – I am so afraid of being where you are today. Stay strong. xoxox

  39. mona

    Hey Nadine,
    Thank you for sharing that! I am sooo sorry for your loss and my prayers go out to you and your family!

  40. EB

    I’m so, so sorry Nadine. I know how devastating it is to loose a mother so young, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxo

  41. sylvie

    Nadine… I’m sorry to hear about your mother. We’re all here for you. My thoughts will be with you and your family :(

  42. howie

    nadine,

    i am very sorry for your loss. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  43. YvetteRene

    There are no words and yet you speak so eloquently about your mother. She’ll be the angel on your shoulder always. Even though I’m just a virtual stranger reading your blog daily, your family is in my prayers today. God bless.

  44. Tiffany

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers over the coming weeks!

  45. Adrienne

    So sorry to hear about your loss, mothers are so precious and I truly commend you for being able to share this with your readers. My heart goes out to you and your loved ones!! xoxo

  46. Leslie C.

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your life with us and allowing us to know your mother.

  47. Aimee

    Nadine,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  48. KK

    I’ve been reading your blog since 2005 and never really commented. I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words. Just big hugs from the blog world.

  49. Lauren

    My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. xoxo

  50. Jacqueline

    In a time when everyone has been struggling financially, you have shed light on what is truly the most important thing. Thank you for reminding all of us that our loved ones will not always be there in body, but will always be in our hearts. I hope you find comfort in your family and friends during this holiday season.

  51. Christi

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Nadine. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  52. sorry nadine for your loss. thank you for sharing nancy and the struggle with us! god bless!

  53. ali

    Nadine, My deepest condolences for you and your family. I am praying for you and your family to find strength to get through this sad time. I hope you guys will find comfort that your mother is the ultimate, awesomest place, heaven.. no pain, all happiness, and everlasting joy. Hugs!

  54. Mollie

    Nadine, I am so sorry. My condolences go out to you and your family.

  55. Jennifer

    I’m so very sorry. I pray that peace and comfort will come to your heart.

  56. Angeline Smith

    All of our thoughts are with you Nadine. Thanks so much for letting us (a bunch of strangers) be a part of this with you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  57. Lela

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear this. My condolences to you and your family.

  58. andi

    Peace, comfort & acceptance to you & your family. And here’s hoping that the happiest, funniest, most loving memories of your mother are always foremost in your minds.

  59. Cami

    Nadine,

    I would like to offer my condolences to you and your family. Stay strong.

  60. Steph

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take much care and thank you for being so strong.

  61. vanessa

    may God bless you and your family in your grief !
    we love you nadine!

  62. Jen M

    I don’t even know you, and I’ve found myself tearing up reading your blog today. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Hugs and love for you and your family, especially your brother. Thank you for doing what you do!

  63. Cara C

    I enjoy reading your blog daily, but recently I’ve become so connected to your life updates and I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I’d like to offer my condolences to you and your family and hope you get through this time together.

  64. Karen

    I’m so sorry to learn of your mother’s passing. You and your family are in my prayers. Sending big hugs from Paris.

  65. Jacqui

    Words are always so inadequate and the loss of a mother is such a deep deep pain; I can only hope that your wonderful memories and how she is a part of you will continue to live on and help you feel her presence, albeit not physical. One never knows how strong one is until she is tested. My deepest condolences

  66. Stephanie

    Jolie,
    From your blog, we can what an amazing and beautiful mother your mom was. I lost my grandmother 12/2/08 in a similar way…watching her body shut down little by little, but her fighting it all the way. It’s so difficult to watch, but we can be honored to have been with them throughout that time. May God give you peace and comfort during this time, just as He gave me.

  67. PinkLyfe

    Nadine,
    i’m so sorry to hear of your mothers passing. i wish i could say something that would ease your pain and discomfort. please know my deepest sympathy is with you and your brother at this difficult time.((hugs))

  68. Andrea

    Nadine,

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you and your family. Sending hugs from New York!

  69. Danielle

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You are an incredibly strong, intelligent and beautiful woman which is surely a credit to your mother. Thank you for sharing her story with us, we all love and care about you. Hugs and love.

  70. Ashley

    So sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

  71. Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and another wonderful Nancy in the world. My condolences go out to you and your family. One a positive note, it seems she raised a remarkable and strong woman (you, of course) to carry on her legacy.
    God Bless and take care.

  72. keekee

    So sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

  73. Courtney

    I wish I could offer more in the way of words–but you and your family are truly in my prayers right now Nadine. -Courtney-

  74. Nadine,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like an amazing woman.
    You and your family are in my thoughts.
    Take care,
    Miss A