She’s gone

My mother Nancy passed away at 10:36 pm last night.  I’m a jumble of emotions right now–devastated that I’ll never again hear her voice, so happy she’s out of pain, feeling guilty that I didn’t spent every possible second with her following the diagnosis, relieved that I spent what precious time I did talking to her and appreciating her–but I am mostly just numb.  My little brother was not in the room, so it was left for me to go back to the apartment while the other family remained with her body; I then told my 19 year old brother that his mother was gone.  Most of the tears I have already shed are for P., too young to have his mother taken from him, and for my mother Nancy herself, only 55 when she went, and with too many wonderful possibilities ahead of her.

In a strange way, I feel that everything that has happened to me in my life has led to this moment: toughening me in some ways, softening me in others, but mostly preparing me for the realization that life will surprise you, offering experiences both beautiful and terrible, though equally illuminating and important.  I’m trying to just accept the lessons and ride the wave of the unknown. We’ve just arrived to Dallas, and her funeral is tomorrow.  Luckily, the mood of the family (aside from one very weepy mother-in-law; my grandmother) is joyous and celebratory.  All things considered, Nancy went in a good way, and we love her like crazy.

102 Comments
  • Truc
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing some small part of her with us.

  • Ali
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine,
    My heart goes out to you. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    – Ali

  • Jennifer
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.

  • Bex
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so very sorry. Your strength is truly amazing, but don’t forget to let others take care of you now, too. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • stephanie
    December 15, 2008

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

  • BellaSugar
    December 15, 2008

    nadine im so sorry about your mom :(
    it really made me sad even though i’ve never met you or her
    please know that you are in my prayers

  • Yve
    December 15, 2008

    My condolences. Take care of yourself and your family, and lean on your friends.

  • Kristi
    December 15, 2008

    So sorry for your loss, stay strong and remember her always.

  • Stephanie
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember seeing pictures of your mom you had posted on this blog quite awhile back and she was truly lovely. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Beth
    December 15, 2008

    You have my deepest sympathies. May you find constant comfort in your memories.

  • erika
    December 15, 2008

    Im so sorry for your loss, I wouldnt even know what to say or do in your situation. The fact that you have remained to be a positive person and keep everyone here on this blog informed is amazing by itself!

    Hugs and my condolences~

  • Melissa
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you — you’ve shown so much amazing strength. Use your support system–friends, other family, and take care of yourself. She’ll always be with you in some way or another, as cheesy as that might sound — I believe that.

  • Breezy
    December 15, 2008

    I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  • Shannon Nelson
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, but I know what you mean about being happy she no longer is in pain. It’s a weird feeling to have–I’ve felt it too.

    Many hugs to you during this difficult time. xx

  • Anne
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine–
    So sorry for your loss. Your mom would be so proud of you for the courage you’re displaying and the love and comfort you’re providing for your family, especially your younger brother. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Lipsay
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, so sorry. Your strength is unparalleled and your readers are all better for having gone through this with you. My most sincere condolences to you and your fam.

  • ol
    December 15, 2008

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I wish there was a way to lessen your pain.

  • Meg
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Thank you for sharing these lovely stories and lessons these past few days. I’m happy to hear that you’re keeping as positive as you can throughout this grim situation. Let us know if you ever need to vent or just need someone else to lean on – you’ve definitely got an awesome extra support system here on your blog. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. – Meg

  • Jen
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine,
    I’m so so sorry about your mother. I can’t even imagine what it would be to go through something like that and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Jen

  • Nina
    December 15, 2008

    I am so sorry for your loss, Nadine. You have written so eloquently of your mother, everyone can tell how much you love her.

  • Megan
    December 15, 2008

    I am so sorry… I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you take the time you need right now and also that something of this holiday season can bring you a little joy through the pain.

  • Nancy
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, you have my deepest and most sincere sympathy on the loss of your mother. I remember we talked about her at the TB Conference. I’m glad she’s not suffering anymore. Stay strong. {{hugs}}

  • Raha
    December 15, 2008

    Sorry for your loss. Be brave and strong

  • Marsi
    December 15, 2008

    My condolences. My heart goes out to you.

  • Lys
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry. Your past few blog posts have been a glowing tribute to your mom and thank you for sharing. My thoughts are with your family.

  • Elizabeth
    December 15, 2008

    “Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” ~Emily Dickinson.
    My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. I may not know you but at this moment we are all one.

    un fuerte abrazo,
    Liz

  • The Closet Therapist
    December 15, 2008

    There are no words. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. Thanks for letting us all know. We care about you.

    Jennifer

  • Stefanie
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

    Stefanie

  • Elizabeth in GA
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I am so sorry. That must be a devastating loss, for which there are no words. I am grateful, though, for those elements of beauty that have been present with your family in this trying time.

  • J.J.
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You have been exceptionally brave to blog about your loving mom and the rest of your family as you all go through this. Please know that so many people care about you. Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers—

  • Lori
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I am so sorry. There are no words, but I am inspired reading yours.

  • Katherine
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine, I am so sorry that you lost your mother last night. My heart goes out to you and tonight you will be in my prayers.Losing a parent is hard, just remember that you were lucky enough to have her as your mother.

  • Kristin
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • Chelsea
    December 15, 2008

    Oh, Nadine, I am so sorry. Your writing about this was so touching and beautiful. Of what seem to be her many feats, your mother raised a beautiful, talented person.

    I wish you peace.

  • Elle
    December 15, 2008

    I’m so sorry Nadine…you have been so brave through all of this and are an inspiration to me. I’ll keep you in my prayers..

  • Tamara
    December 15, 2008

    Nadine,

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. The tributes you have written about your mother these past few days are beautiful and touching. It sounds like she was well-loved and will be dearly msised. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in your time of loss.

  • Katd
    December 15, 2008

    My condolences go out to you and your entire family. The way you wrote about her showed what a wonderful relationship you two had, you and your family will have so many great memories to share and celebrate her life.

  • angela
    December 15, 2008

    nadine,
    i read your blog every day without fail. i’m so sorry for your loss. i’ve never faced a huge loss, and i hope to be able to look at life as a blessing the way you have when i do face the same challenges.

    my thoughts are with you and your family.

  • A.J.
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine,

    My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and your family.

  • Lisa
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine,

    Many hugs and prayers go out to you and your family at this time. Praying for your family’s strength in the days ahead…

    So sorry for your loss ~

  • Lara
    December 16, 2008

    I’m really sorry. I hope the future brings the best for you and your brother.

  • gio
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  • Terrie
    December 16, 2008

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Hold tightly to each other as you cherish the memories of your mother.

  • Julia
    December 16, 2008

    You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Erin Weber
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine,
    I am sorry for your loss, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. She is in a better place, where she is without pain and resting comfortably. Keep your head-up

  • Christina
    December 16, 2008

    (hugs) I’m so sorry Nadine – I am so afraid of being where you are today. Stay strong. xoxox

  • mona
    December 16, 2008

    Hey Nadine,
    Thank you for sharing that! I am sooo sorry for your loss and my prayers go out to you and your family!

  • EB
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so, so sorry Nadine. I know how devastating it is to loose a mother so young, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxo

  • sylvie
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine… I’m sorry to hear about your mother. We’re all here for you. My thoughts will be with you and your family :(

  • Christine
    December 16, 2008

    So sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences Nadine.

  • howie
    December 16, 2008

    nadine,

    i am very sorry for your loss. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • YvetteRene
    December 16, 2008

    There are no words and yet you speak so eloquently about your mother. She’ll be the angel on your shoulder always. Even though I’m just a virtual stranger reading your blog daily, your family is in my prayers today. God bless.

  • Anna M
    December 16, 2008

    I am so sorry for your loss!!!

  • Tiffany
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers over the coming weeks!

  • Froggy4
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • SRSmith
    December 16, 2008

    Im so sorry for your loss.

  • Adrienne
    December 16, 2008

    So sorry to hear about your loss, mothers are so precious and I truly commend you for being able to share this with your readers. My heart goes out to you and your loved ones!! xoxo

  • Leslie C.
    December 16, 2008

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your life with us and allowing us to know your mother.

  • dominican_enigma
    December 16, 2008

    Wow, I can’t even imagine the pain you feel right now. I’m so so sorry for your loss. Please know that my prayers are with you.

  • sara
    December 16, 2008

    i am very sorry for your loss.my heart is with you.

  • Aimee
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  • KK
    December 16, 2008

    I’ve been reading your blog since 2005 and never really commented. I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words. Just big hugs from the blog world.

  • Lauren
    December 16, 2008

    My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. xoxo

  • Jacqueline
    December 16, 2008

    In a time when everyone has been struggling financially, you have shed light on what is truly the most important thing. Thank you for reminding all of us that our loved ones will not always be there in body, but will always be in our hearts. I hope you find comfort in your family and friends during this holiday season.

  • Christi
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Nadine. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • Elizabeth
    December 16, 2008

    So very very sorry………………

  • Erin
    December 16, 2008

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.

  • kia
    December 16, 2008

    sorry nadine for your loss. thank you for sharing nancy and the struggle with us! god bless!

  • Kacey
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

  • Jenni
    December 16, 2008

    I’m very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  • ali
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine, My deepest condolences for you and your family. I am praying for you and your family to find strength to get through this sad time. I hope you guys will find comfort that your mother is the ultimate, awesomest place, heaven.. no pain, all happiness, and everlasting joy. Hugs!

  • Mollie
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine, I am so sorry. My condolences go out to you and your family.

  • tracey b
    December 16, 2008

    I, like everyone else here, is so sorry for your loss. Please know you are in all our thoughts.

  • Jennifer
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so very sorry. I pray that peace and comfort will come to your heart.

  • KimmyDarling
    December 16, 2008

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  • Angeline Smith
    December 16, 2008

    All of our thoughts are with you Nadine. Thanks so much for letting us (a bunch of strangers) be a part of this with you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Lela
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear this. My condolences to you and your family.

  • andi
    December 16, 2008

    Peace, comfort & acceptance to you & your family. And here’s hoping that the happiest, funniest, most loving memories of your mother are always foremost in your minds.

  • Lydia
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

  • Cami
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine,

    I would like to offer my condolences to you and your family. Stay strong.

  • Christen
    December 16, 2008

    Nadine, I offer my sincerest condolences on your loss. I pray that you’ll be comforted.

  • Steph
    December 16, 2008

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take much care and thank you for being so strong.

  • vanessa
    December 16, 2008

    may God bless you and your family in your grief !
    we love you nadine!

  • Jen M
    December 16, 2008

    I don’t even know you, and I’ve found myself tearing up reading your blog today. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Hugs and love for you and your family, especially your brother. Thank you for doing what you do!

  • Cara C
    December 17, 2008

    I enjoy reading your blog daily, but recently I’ve become so connected to your life updates and I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I’d like to offer my condolences to you and your family and hope you get through this time together.

  • Karen
    December 17, 2008

    I’m so sorry to learn of your mother’s passing. You and your family are in my prayers. Sending big hugs from Paris.

  • Jacqui
    December 17, 2008

    Words are always so inadequate and the loss of a mother is such a deep deep pain; I can only hope that your wonderful memories and how she is a part of you will continue to live on and help you feel her presence, albeit not physical. One never knows how strong one is until she is tested. My deepest condolences

  • Stephanie
    December 17, 2008

    Jolie,
    From your blog, we can what an amazing and beautiful mother your mom was. I lost my grandmother 12/2/08 in a similar way…watching her body shut down little by little, but her fighting it all the way. It’s so difficult to watch, but we can be honored to have been with them throughout that time. May God give you peace and comfort during this time, just as He gave me.

  • Jessica
    December 17, 2008

    Thinking of you.

  • Tanja
    December 17, 2008

    Thinking of you and your family, Nadine.

  • PinkLyfe
    December 17, 2008

    Nadine,
    i’m so sorry to hear of your mothers passing. i wish i could say something that would ease your pain and discomfort. please know my deepest sympathy is with you and your brother at this difficult time.((hugs))

  • Andrea
    December 17, 2008

    Nadine,

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you and your family. Sending hugs from New York!

  • Danielle
    December 17, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You are an incredibly strong, intelligent and beautiful woman which is surely a credit to your mother. Thank you for sharing her story with us, we all love and care about you. Hugs and love.

  • Laura
    December 17, 2008

    Thinking of you, lots of love and ITB.

  • Ashley
    December 17, 2008

    So sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

  • Nancy
    December 17, 2008

    Nadine, I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and another wonderful Nancy in the world. My condolences go out to you and your family. One a positive note, it seems she raised a remarkable and strong woman (you, of course) to carry on her legacy.
    God Bless and take care.

  • keekee
    December 17, 2008

    So sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

  • Courtney
    December 20, 2008

    I wish I could offer more in the way of words–but you and your family are truly in my prayers right now Nadine. -Courtney-

  • Miss A
    December 20, 2008

    Nadine,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like an amazing woman.
    You and your family are in my thoughts.
    Take care,
    Miss A

  • erin
    December 21, 2008

    My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

  • Indian Girl
    December 31, 2008

    Very Sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Joanne Alice
    January 6, 2009

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *